Everytime there is an awkward silence, a gay baby is born.
The current news of a wheat shortage doesn't concern me, as Jack Daniels is made from corn.
learned to never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
my girlfriend called me a useless druggie today. I almost fell off my unicorn.
I like really dark movie theatres. That way, I don't have to buy my own popcorn.
How did the blond get lipstick on her steering wheel? She tried to blow the horn.
Sometimes I sit at a green light not because I'm not paying any attention, but because I'm curious if the car behind me has a custom horn.
Watching the food channel when you're hungry is like watching porn.
Don't be one of those insanely over-protective fathers that doesn't let his daughter date until she is 21. There are only two outcomes to that type of parenting... she'll be living with you when she's 41 or she'll be in porn.
Wait, Miley Cyrus has been 18 for only a week, and there's already naked pictures of her? Somebody might be beating Lindsay to porn.
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